July 22, 2013
i refuse to understand.
Mom nudging about things.
She wants to move.. like... new house... in our hometown.
indeed it is a good thing for her, I don't know. I'm not that excited.
I'm awkward around my relatives, again it is because I'm not used to speak with cantonese. I'm so gonna loathe myself for unable to do anything. Stupid, foolish. What things i am good at to be frank?
Anyway, after that one day of my job (I can't stop thinking about why should i went back home when it was super comfy there) i began to help my mom more at houseworks. because...
I don't know I'm away myself from being scolded and i have to /payback/ because i didn't manage to work there for months. /deep inhale; exhale/ i feel super guilty it rubbing on my skin every night. L O L
My mom keeps on regretting why I should be a fragile person that can't stand anything up for herself /me/
I nearly cried. But i didn't.
I promised myself to be tough. OMG SO I FOUND OUT THAT I AM NOT THAT TOUGH.
That was so a warning for me and i can't underestimate it. I am now so fully aware of what i am going to do.
I was planning to be talk active there anyway until i can't really find my voices there. Awkwardness attacked.
But one thing. My mom found out that I speak English well /is being snob person/ even though I can't really write beautifully and flawless and my words perhaps are confusing. I DON'T CARE. I could finally proof her toward my oh-so-called grandma (the family tree kind of hang me).
I decided to be /active/ in my home (seriously passive). I do things like.... sleep and forever cling on my novels that take forever to finish, and piano. I am working on a new song (LOL not that i am composing a song), i try my best to learn fur elise by beethoven (excuse for the wrong spelling name). At least i still have something to do. I please myself. /is such a dumbheaded.
So i can't really wait for my first class at college. DUH. September seems fading away i doubt if it is even exist. /skip September 6th anyway because i will turn 18 and i feel old/
Did you know every time you sigh, a little bit of happiness escapes?
-Senjougahara hitagi
