August 30, 2013
I keep on repeating the sentences and erased them and write them again.
I have this feeling of disliking someone but is very dearly for me.
Is it a sign of jealousy and envious or only some kind of effect.
Of my insecurity.
That i might never be good enough in someone eyes.
Or not fun enough to hang out with,
and not a recommend someone to have a chat for a long time.
I've always been staying at home and meet no one except my Cyber friends.
I don't talk a lot but i type and write a lot.
I think i might be sound a little bit smart if i have conversations.
The heavy ones or only snickers around the jokes.
Because mom won't allowed me to step outside to see the world.
I wonder when is the right time for me to grow up with the winds and dusts and clouds.
I suffocated at my own house.
I've been jailed like an expensive large black hawk bird aged 25.
It makes me hard to live without them, living somewhere else far
even 5 kilometers will stretch my memory that i have them in actual.
Now i kind of forget that i have a father.
I forgot how to start a conversation between us.
That it brought to my darkest dream about
the end of our long conversations.
I don't know which should i matter for now.
I try to please myself but someone said i am not good at making someone mood.
How i suppose to cheer someone in a messed mood like this.
Then i only try to look so "cool" in front of them
Hating someone who probably see me sad.
I dislike being caught up.
I've write the above since last month i guess but got postponed because there was a nuisance.
pardon me but yeay for August about to end.
