oh wow look at my cbox spammed by zombies and deserted, there's no souls around there pfft haha.

it's been awhile. hello again.
it was my birthday at september 6th haha and that was kinda plain remembering it suppose to be cool because it just happens once a year.
oh well i suppose to be glad i'm alive.
so congratulation for me Luvana :) LOL.

what's up? i was just done with college orientation yesterday, 
gladly it has done. I didn't really made a huge amount of friends but yeay for finding one 
Kpop fan. 
you know it was just like you just found a mermaid in one of the seven seas. LOL
so we instantly being a very very close friend that time hahaha. cool huh.
it went well, i seriously have to say it was quiet boring but yeah, worth it.
tomorrow is gonna be my very first class to start. Hopefully it would be okay
i have to survive again lol.

anyway, my friend and i was talking about toxic friend but it's kinda sad when you subconsciously realize that it is one of your friend, though s/he's not having all the specs:

Toxic friends come in all shapes and sizes; what is the hardest thing about a toxic friendship is how it creeps up on you unawares. Although you may be laboring under incredible negativity and feeling awful around your friend, it can take a while to fully understand that this negativity is being caused by your friendship. Knowing the signs of a toxic friendship will help you to either avoid remaining in such a friendship, or perhaps even developing one in the first place.

6 steps on how to detect toxic friends via wikihow:

 1 Pay attention when your friend puts you down. Friends are friends because they support us. They don't necessarily have to agree with us, or even share our tastes, but they do tend to be relationships of mutual respect, joy in one another's company, and acceptance of difference of both attitude and actions. If your friend is constantly saying things that demean you, that make you feel small or unhappy, or if your friend makes you feel unworthy and pitied, then you have lost a friend and gained a critic. If this happens on a regular basis, you're with a toxic friend.

if you ever feel like being dragged down from your happiness, being superly criticized without any jokes included, sighs... i experienced it and i was being so fury about it. it's okay if you wanna judge it but i don't think you should really place me behind and makes me feel like a loser. if you ever feel like this when you are around a certain someone, then be careful :) LOL.

2. Be wary of a friend who gossips about you. Any friend who tells tales on a friend is not a friend. Instead, being with you simply offers this person an opportunity to glean details for spreading around to others. If you find out that this is happening, you're with a toxic friend. Be careful about jumping to assumptions, however. If your friend slips up once, this may just be a situation of not handling things properly and they might seek your forgiveness. If it happens regularly, however, the pattern should serve to warn you.

there's one saying that the friends you are gossiping with probably gossiping about you as well. there! is when i tried to stop gossiping around. that would be bad when the others will think i am the gossip queen or what if the things i said would be used for a boomerang, to put a blame on me? what if they turned into an enemy and i should lick my own spit? haha. sure have to decreasing about gossiping, at least we are not suppose to judge people around easily like that! 

3. Consider mockery carefully. Mockery can commence in a friendship as mere, gentle ribbing of one's faults by way of endearment or genuine affection. If it becomes the normal way of relating, however, especially in front of other people, then you have a recipe for a toxic friendship. After a time, it can be too easy for such a friend to use this a defense mechanism to ward off criticism of themselves and to offload that onto you. In this case, you become the target that your friend uses to outplay the potential for attack from others against them.

this one have to be considered as well as if you don't really close to your gonna-mock-soon friend just yet. What if s/he is this sensitive type that took everything seriously and what if your tone isn't considered as a kidding tone. That would be create another tense atmosphere and this "what did you mean?!" glare from the victim. especially when you point out something you shouldn't be kidding about. it would sound like you are pointing his or her weakness and they hates it. 

4. Consider your feelings about your friend and the time spent together. Ask yourself these questions"

-Is this something that your friend has just started to do, or has it been going on for a long time?
-Does spending time with your friend make you feel defensive or upset?
-Do you spend time justifying your own behavior around your friend instead of it feeling "natural" to be together?
-Are you happy with this friend?
-Do you feel belittled, attacked, used?
-Does the friendship feel unbalanced and like plain hard work?
-Do you feel at fault for things that happen to your friend?
-Has your friend betrayed your confidences?
-Does it feel like competition rather than a balanced and caring friendship? 

5. Recognize what constitutes a healthy friendship. It is important to look at things in the positive light as well as the negative situation, to help you balance your feelings and the interpretation of the situation. A good, healthy friendship involves feeling like you are supporting one another, acting as a sounding board for each other. Good friends don't compete negatively; if there is competition, it is openly acknowledged and each other's achievements are lauded and appreciated equally. Good friends care for one another, and keep secrets between each other. Good friends spend time helping each other overcome adversity rather than creating it and maintaining it. Good friendships are relationships that make both people feel good about themselves and feel natural. Even though a friendship needs to be worked on as much as any relationship, a good friendship doesn't feel like work; it feels like building foundations, and growing a garden; pleasant, worthwhile, rewarding, and filled with give-and-take in equal measure.

it's just clear as it. there's no real competitions on both party. even if there are rivals. i think it's not something you have to hate when your friend achieve a higher results. instead, you'll live in hell if you can't be happy about your friend's achievement. and if you have something more, say education and the others asked you, you won't be just save it to your own and being the lonely smart ass. 

6. Act on your feelings and analysis of the situation. If you recognize the signs of a toxic friendship, get yourself out of it and move on. It is not worth continuing at the expense of your health, self-esteem, and happiness.

back space yourself with them :) you don't want them to be a parasite don't you?